Sunday Sentiments 1-5-2020

Yesterday Mom told me that she wanted me to take her to church but when this morning rolled around she was too exhausted to consider it anymore.  I washed her hair, bathed her and put some clean pajamas on her and she was wiped out! She did mention how good it felt to get cleaned up though.

Mike offered to stay home with Mom this morning so that I could go to church - I think we will be taking turns for the next few weeks. I would have loved to have had Mom and Mike join me but for now, we are making the best of it. I will try to find someone who can come sit with Mom on Sunday mornings so that Mike and I can worship together. We will figure out what the new normal is soon.

Shortly after I got home we had lunch and then the Hospice Nurse came for a visit. She said that she thinks Mom recent sudden changes are just the natural progression of the journey she is on. She rarely smiles anymore, so if you happen to catch one, treasure it. She is just so confused and she keeps asking me why she can't think anymore. Her lungs sounded clear and there hasn't been much mucus to bring up the past 24 hours or so, so that makes Mom seem comfortable. She doesn't have any signs or complaints of pain anywhere.

Aunt Jeannene stopped by to visit Mom this afternoon. She brought along her little dog, Hope, to try to cheer Mom up. Mom often dog-sat for Hope and we thought it might bring some joy to her life.

I did manage to get Mom to smile for the picture but as soon as it was done, she went back to her solemn new self!

Sara came over later and spent some time with Mom. There was a short period of time where she sort of acted like her old self. Sara loved on her and rubbed her feet with lotion.

Mom kept telling Sara over and over again how much she loves her. Sara was able to tell Mom some special things that she wanted to say and it brought a few tears to Sara's eyes.

 Sara and her precious grandma were doing a little snuggling. It was truly a heartwarming thing to see between them.

She had a lot of people making plans to stop and see her this week. Dana, Chris and Robin are coming down on Tuesday to spend a little time with her. On Wednesday, we are getting visits from Emily and Aunt Mary and Sally.

Mom has so many people who love her.

She still speaks love into us and is so grateful for anything anyone does for her.

If only she wasn't so confused...

"Laurie, what am I supposed to do now?"
"I don't know."
"I need to think about it..."
"Why am I so dumb?"

Those are phrases that I hear over and over again. She knows she is confused and that's frustrating to her. I just keep reassuring her that everything is OK and I am helping her to think.

That's all we can do for now....


***If anyone has a baby monitor laying around, I would love to borrow one. I have been sleeping on the couch so that I can hear her call for me. A monitor would allow me to sleep in my own bed. I could buy one, I know, but I don't think I will need it for a very long period of time.

Day of Heartache  1-4-2020

January 4th, was the day that Mike's mom, Beatrice Irene Jones, passed away at 101 years of age. She will certainly be missed by her family. She was a kind and gentle soul who loved her family so much.

My mom, again slept away almost the entire day. And when she was awake, she was very confused throughout the day. It kept getting worse and worse all day until, by her 6:30pm bedtime, she acted like she has dementia. I had to help feed her a little, talk her through what to do after going to the bathroom, and explain what steps she needed to do to crawl into bed. It's getting harder for her to swallow her pills. I will give Hospice a call this morning, after I see how she is this morning, so that a nurse can come out and check on her.

She had several visitors today, Pastor Toby Thomas was first, followed by Dan and Lyn, who brought Mom's little dog, Holly, for a short visit.

Pastor Toby Thomas

 Pastor Toby read Mom a little Scripture and prayed with her after they visiting a bit - well Pastor Toby talked and Mom nodded mostly.

I appreciated his prayer for Mom for comfort and to make the most of the days she has left.

He caught her up on the church family news and was so upbeat in his updates on who is out of the hospital, who is not feeling so good right now, etc.  I am not sure Mom comprehended all he was saying but it was nice to have his kind words of encouragement.

Kissing Mom's Hand

Emily and Mom

Handsome Uncle Dave & Keith

Jenn snuggles in!

Later that evening, around 5:30pm, Uncle Dave, Keith & Jenn, Matt & Emily stopped in. Jenn and Emily gave Mom a foot massage and painted her fingernails with a sparkly light pink nail polish! A girl needs to look good! She didn't say much in the way of visiting but I know that her visitors helped to cheer her up and help her evening to pass by.

Mom has lost 7 pounds now since Dec 25th. But her other vital signs are constant and pretty good. She forces herself to eat a little something. She is past being able to decide between two choices of what to eat...ex: "Mom, would you like eggs or Cream of Wheat?" so I just make the choice for her. But thankfully she is still eating a little bit - about 1/4 cup, so I am trying to give her a balanced diet, even though it's small quantities.

She said that she wanted to go to church this morning but I am not sure if I can get her bathed, dressed and out the door on time. She gets wore out so quickly. She doesn't know what day of the week it is, so I am not I will even mention it again. I think by the time she gets bathed, she will be ready to sleep again.

She slept all night, except for one request for her water bottle at 10:30 last night. She took a sip and said "So what we are doing now?". I replied, "We are sleeping Mom. Everyone is in bed." She responded with "Well, then I think I will go to bed too!"  I love these special moments with her. It lightens my day. And with the passing of my beloved "Mother In Love" today, hearing Mom tell me that she loves me makes my heart so glad.

Until the next report...

Laurie

Hospice Evaluation 1-3-2020

Stein Hospice came yesterday for Mom. Amber Daniels (a name you will hear often) is the name of the sweet, kind nurse that helped evaluate Mom. Amber was only here about 15 minutes before she sent off her recommendation to the Hospice Doctor and he immediately told her to start Mom on the program. We discussed the DNR/CC option again and Mom signed a new one, that now hangs on my refrigerator. Amber reduced Mom's mediations to just the necessary ones to make her comfortable. Mom smiled and said "Oh good! I hated taking all those pills!" Between that reduction of meds and the oxygen, that they brought out later, she was so happy. She said that the oxygen brings her comfort too.

Mom is sleeping a lot. According to the chart they gave me in the booklet "When Death is Near", Mom appears to be in the "One to Three Months" stage.

• Withdrawal from people and activities
• Communicating less
• Eating and drinking less
• Sleeping more
• Weight loss (Mom has lost 6 pounds just since Christmas Day)

The next stage is "One to Two Weeks" (I see some of these signs starting also)

• Disorientation and confusion (Mom struggles with this quite a bit)
• Use of symbolic language - ("I want to go be with Papa and Jesus" is often said)
• Changes in skin color
• Decrease in blood pressure
• Increase or decrease in pulse
• Irregularities in breathing
• Changes in body temperature, hot/cold
• Not eating, taking little or no fluids (Mom eats about 1/4 cup of food and has to force it down. Nothing tastes good to her and she is eating just to stay alive - her words). I would say we are lucky to get maybe a cup or two of liquids in her a day and most of those are with pill taking.

"Days to Hours"

• Sleeping most of the time
• Surge of Energy
• Restlessness
• Difficulty swallowing
• further discoloration of skin
• Ongoing changes in breathing (long pauses between breaths)
• Rattling breathing sounds
• Weak pulse
• Further decrease in blood pressure
• Decreased urine output or no urine
• Eyelids no longer able to close completely

"Minutes"

• Shallow breaths with longer pauses
• Mouth open
• Unresponsive

I have canceled all of Mom's upcoming doctors' visits, tests and blood draws. Hospice will do anything that she needs now along with this line, if they find it necessary.

I hugged Amber tight and thanked her for coming. The relief that I felt when she was admitted to the Hospice program, was both wonderful and surreal. On one hand, it felt like someone was FINALLY believing me as to how far her health has declined. (I know that is not true but that is what it felt like.) And then the feelings of a sort of betrayal or maybe giving up were also there (I am convinced it was the voice of the enemy, because it sure wasn't the voice of my Heavenly Father! I KNOW His voice and it didn't come from Him!) I sort of feel like I am walking through molasses, - like things here at home are in slow motion, while the world is still spinning by at a rapid pace.

We had planned to fly to Amy and Kelly's for the entire month of February, so my Norwex schedule is very light (with just online things to do). So, if I can just get through January with a few (4) commitments that I have had on my calendar for several months, life will slow down for me with my job and I can focus more on just being fully present for Mama.

I know in my heart of hearts, that Hospice is the right choice. She is already happier and more comfortable.

*** I have turned off the dings of the ongoing silly  Jones family text thread on her phone. She rarely looks at her phone at all anymore and most of the dings happen while she is trying to sleep or rest. I am monitoring her calls for her. She really doesn't feel much like talking on the phone and is withdrawing from caring if she talks on the phone or not. Feel free to come for short visits. She tires very quickly. The littlest things (like bathing, for example) wear her out completely. ***

Please keep the cards and letters coming. She loves getting happy mail. Her new address is:

689 Butler Road S

New London, OH 44851

I will try to post daily, in the evenings, or as there is something worthy of reporting to help keep you all in the loop.

Prayer Requests:

• That if it's Mom's time (those days are already written in the Book of Life) that she go quickly and without any pain. She is not afraid of dying but really scared of suffocating to death. She is very concerned about that.
• As with Dad, my wish is to be at her bedside when she passes onto Jesus. I don't want her to be alone when she sighs out that last bit of life.

I love you, family and friends! The Lord is my Rock and my Strength! Blessed be the Name of the Lord! He comforts and sustains me through every step of this journey. I am blessed beyond words to be traveling this grace-filled, holy road with my sweet little Mama. I have no idea how people get through life without a deep personal relationship with Jesus Christ. 

All for His glory,

Laurie