Extremely Tired Today

1-12-2020

Mom has stayed pretty good mentally today. Not her normal self but she made pretty good sense all day today in the few words of conversation we had.  She slept fairly well last night, only waking once to use the bathroom and then she went right back to bed and slept well past her normal wake time.

I took her vitals and gave her the morning dose of pills around 8:00AM. She promptly fell asleep before finishing her coffee, even though we had the chatter of Abbey and her family here for breakfast. They had spent the night with us and were packing up to head back to PA for Cory to do some job interviews for Subway.  She slept through most of that but woke up to tell them goodbye and to eat a little Cream of Wheat around 10:00AM. Then right back to sleep she went!

Cory, Abbey, Avery, Joey and Henry saying goodbye.

I woke her around 1:30 for lunch. Mom ate a decent sized late lunch and took her afternoon meds before she went right back to sleep. She hasn't had to pee hardly at all today and I notice that she had gained some weight this morning when I weighed her.  Her feet and legs are swelling and her ankle bones have all but disappeared.

She had a short visit from my Aunt Jeannene and her little dog, Hope, around 3PM. (I forgot to take a picture) Mom was happy to see them but I had to wake her to visit with her. Aunt Jeannene gave her the details of the church service this morning and all the latest news from the Senior Citizen luncheon that Mom loved to attend. Mom didn't have too much to say back. She wanted to give Hope some kisses. But as soon as Jeannene left, mom fell right back to sleep.

Such a sleepy girl with swollen legs!

I don't think she is feeling very good today. She didn't complain or hint that she isn't, but something is just different, so it seems. Though her mind was pretty good, she just couldn't stay awake and asked me to help put her to bed at 5:00 this evening. She just said she couldn't stay awake. I think she went right to sleep because she hasn't called out for me to fix her covers or find her water bottle. When I tucked her in and told her that I loved her, deep inside I wondered if tonight is last time I get to tell her that. Seems like every time I do something for her (wash her hair, launder her pajamas, etc) I wonder if this is the last time. Some day it will be. I guess I just want to prepare myself for when that reality hits. Her poor heart beats so hard. It's tired. She is tired. She says she just wants "to die but I don't know how!"

I don't think that Mama has long for this world. I hope tomorrow to try to video her saying that she loves me. I have a feeling I will want to listen to that over and over again as the days/months/years go by.

"Good night, Mama. I love you. Sleep well. It's OK if Jesus calls you home tonight." - my nightly ritual of tucking her into bed. I say it like I mean it, because I do, but man, I am going to miss her.