Hospice Nurse Update

1-9-2020

This morning started off really good! Mom woke up and took herself to the bathroom before I could get to her! (Usually she calls me for help!) She was pretty alert this morning, almost like her usual self, and we enjoyed our coffee time together. She actually would initiate conversation and we visited back and forth for quite a while. I really enjoyed that time with her this morning. We didn't talk about anything serious, but it was fun, just mother and daughter chatting away about nothing in particular.

Mom's friend, Eric, text me and asked if he could call mom. I told him she was having a pretty good morning so he did and they chatted a bit. She really enjoyed him taking the time. The cards, calls, emails just keep coming! Hm, I am starting think that just maybe a few more people than me, love my Mama too! Speaking of emails, Dana sent her a sweet note this morning for me print off for her. I had to help her read it. She struggled comprehending and staying on line to the next word, so I stood over her shoulder so she could read it along with me.

She remembered Dana's stories and even added a few more of her own. She had very vivid memories of cooking sweet corn over an open fire for Dana and Terry. 

Amy "FaceTimed" with Grandma before she had to leave for work. I took advantage of her visit to run down and shower quickly while Amy kept Mom occupied. That was the fastest shower I have ever taken in my life! LOL But it worked. So Amy helped out this morning from Oahu! And boy did I appreciate it!

By this time, she was ready for a little lunch. I warmed up some Rice/Hamburger (renal diet worthy) Casserole and fixed her a nice sized chopped salad (Thanks Abbey and Cory). It's her most asked for request. She loves Subway chopped salads so Abbey and Cory made sure we have the means to make them for her. I think that maybe she doesn't have to work so hard to chew but gets all her renal-diet friendly fresh veggies in a bowl. (It is a pretty snazzy kitchen tool!) Mom's mind here is now sliding slowly away... she gets that far away look in her eyes and stops talking for the most part.

About 1:30 this afternoon Nurse Amber stopped in to check on Mom. She said that she can hear that Mom's lungs are starting to fill higher with fluid. I know that the swelling of the legs means increasing fluid in her lungs and around her heart. She mentioned that mom's heart is beating so hard that it was moving her stethoscope up and down with the beats. She is sending out a low dose of morphine and another drug that will help with the panic Mom will start to feel when her breathing gets more labored. Mom is so anxious and ready to die but she is terrified of suffocating. She told me to keep them up on high shelf but have them ready for when I think she needs them. She said likely that will happen in the middle of night when she is laying down and she didn't want me to have to wait for someone to come out to medicate her to ease her fear.

The reality that Mom's "hourglass" is quickly running out of sand hit me again. It's hard to explain how feelings of fear/relief, panic/peace, heartache/joy run hand in hand. I do have to say that the Lord met me in such a real way this morning during my quiet time listening for His voice. Through the words of two different devotional readings and His Word (in the book of Job of all places!) He shared these thoughts:

• We are called to be Christ-like image bearers, to reflect God to others. He is Immanuel: God With Us (not only beside us, but above us, below us, in front and behind us, but most importantly INSIDE us because He chooses to be so close that He dwells in us too!
• That TRUE love is sacrificial. God sacrificed His Son, Jesus sacrificed His life to save us from our sins and I need to sacrifice my life right now for my sweet mom.
• True love isn't really love at all if it isn't sacrificial. It's easy to love when things are easy but as soon as marriage, health, finances get tough, we tend to bail unless we love, truly love like Jehovah, Yahweh, Elohim, Adonai.
• And in the book of Job, Chapter 23:10-14
• "...He knows the way I take; when He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold. My foot has held fast to His path; I have kept His way and not turned aside. I have not departed from the command of His lips; I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my necessary food. But He is unique and who can turn Him? and what His soul desires, that He does. For He performs what is appointed for me, and many such decrees are with Him."

So my family and friends, how can I hang on to the fear, panic and heartache side of my emotions right now? I can't. Not when the Father is speaking such clear words of affirmation and love to me. So I choose to grip tight to His hand and soak forever in relief, peace and joy side of things... "for He performs what is appointed for me..." And because He is good, I know that this too shall be used for His glory and my becoming more like His Son.

Treasuring the words of His mouth,

Laurie