Final Tribute

1-27-2020

Saturday night, Mike and I had a hard time getting mom to bed. She had forgotten how to walk or stand and her legs were rubbery and shaky.  It took both of us to get her tucked into bed for the night. She called for me around midnight, at that point, her arms had stopped functioning normally too.

I called Hospice very early that morning and told them to please send a nurse over at one of their earliest appointments because Mom made another big decline during the night. After talking to the nurse, I crawled into her bed and rubbed her arm and face while I told her again how much I loved her and how excited I was for her that her hard struggle was nearing the end.

The nurse showed up, around 10:00AM and told me that Mom's new symptoms were not unexpected. Her oxygen levels nosedived into the 70's, and that was a pretty sure sign that Mom only had hours left. I set my watch alarm to go off every two hours so that we could keep Mom comfortable with her morphine and another pill to ease any anxiety she might have. 

Sara called to say she was going to help Geoff get the kids fed and ready for church and then she wanted to come over and spend some time her Grandma and I.  She crawled in bed and shared what was on her heart with Grandma. Sara said, "I love you, Grandma" and Grandma surprised us by repeating those words to her!!!! She had been unresponsive, but apparently was listening to everything that was being said to her. That made Sara so happy to hear those words one last time. 

Sara's turn to snuggle.

Sara made comment that Sunday after Sunday she would hold her Grandma's hand during church when they worshiped together this past year. This is a precious picture of Grandmother and Granddaughter and the love that flowed through their hands without any words needed.

Amy (and Macy) called all the way from Oahu, via FaceTime, to share memories with Sara and Grandma, as they were laying on the bed together. There were so many good memories to talk about and thank their Grandma for.  

Dan and Lyn showed up just in time for Brian to FaceTime. Grandma was so loved by her 6 Grandchildren and soon to be, 17 Great Grandchildren. She and Daddy left us a loving legacy of what passionate, married love looks like.  And the Grands and Great Grands have been so blessed to have had them in their lives.

Sara went home to get some of her children. They didn't all want to come - we all deal with death differently but Ethan, Lydia and Simon did.  Lydia has been working so hard on some sewing projects and she wanted so badly to show them to Great Grandma. She is quite the little seamstress! Mom loved seeing her handiwork - she takes after her Great Grandma for sure. She would have been so proud and just beaming to see Lydia's tiny hand stitches. (Oh mom, we all miss you already).

So much love in the room

Everyone finally went home, except for Lyn and I. We sat at Mom's bedside watching her breathing becoming more and more shallow for about the final 4 hours of her life. I am so thankful that she didn't know how hard she was struggling to breathe. It seemed her lungs were full to the top with fluid. The medicine worked so well to keep her peaceful. I am so grateful for that. That was the only thing she feared - to know she was drowning.

She was so ready to die. She would state that fact several times a day, and continue to ask everyone she saw, if they could tell her how to die when she was in her confused state of mind. I heard her pray out loud several times asking Jesus to please take her heaven. But she was really worried about not being able to breathe. That was the hardest part of it all, to see her gurgle and struggle for air as the night progressed.

Mama finally had her first dance with Jesus at 10:07 PM. Her last breath here was her first in Glory and there she didn't have to struggle to think, to breathe, to walk .... It was a privilege to watch her transition.  Lyn and I were both relieved when that final breath came. Her struggle was finally over.

Lyn headed home around 10:30, after I had called to let Hospice know that she was passed. I went up and woke Mike up to let him know it was over. (He had just gone to bed shortly before 10:00). A nurse came out about 45 minutes later, and filled out the necessary paperwork for me. She called our local funeral home to come get Mama's body. We didn't need any time "with her" - we had all loved on her and whispered words of thanks and adoration to her while she was living. The couple who came to get her were so kind and gentle as they took her away. I leaned down one last time to breathe in deeply the scent of her hair and skin, and I kissed her forehead for the last time and told her that I loved her and would miss her so much.

It was 1:23AM when we turned down the light and finally crawled into bed. (The time made me smile - God so frequently makes me notice the time when it's in a sequence. I can't tell you how many times He wakes me up to look at the clock and it will be 12:34 or 3:45 or something similar. It always makes me smile.) So as I glanced at the clock and said it was 1-2-3 o'clock, I felt His loving hug around me to let me know that Mama arrived safely and was in good hands. I fell sound asleep with a  tear running down my cheek but a big smile on my face.

Today has been a wee bit tough. I have had three good, hard cries from the deepest places in my soul. Silly things set me off, like smelling Mom's scent on her pajama bottoms. Another time was just unloading the dishwasher and seeing the stainless steel straw that I gave her a drink of orange juice from and her favorite bowl to eat Cream of Wheat out of. Tonight we ate some green beans (Mom's favorite kind - frozen whole bean green beans, which I had purchased for her) with our dinner and I had a hard time swallowing them for the lump in my throat.

But, all in all, it has been a good day of slowly returning my house to its normal state. I changed the bedding on Mom's bed and put away all the meds, breathing exerciser, blood pressure cuff, etc. As I tidied her room, I cleaned her glasses that lay on the night stand. Somehow it didn't seem right to see them smudged, so now they lay there shiny and clean - not that she needs them anymore. She sees clearer now that she ever has.

I am just a bit jealous to be honest. I can't wait until it's my turn to dance with Jesus too.

Thanks for reading Mom's journey. You are the people who meant most to her! She loved each and everyone of you. Mom lived well and loved well too.

There will be no services, at her request. At a later date, when we can gather our immediate family together, like we did for my dad/Papa, we will scatter her ashes, and the remaining ones of Daddy/Papa, and celebrate the life of the woman we loved so well.

Quite a crowd just because two people fell in love, huh?

Always for Him,
Laurie and the rest of our family:

Mike, Amy, Kelly, Kyleigh, Macy, Sara, Geoff, Braeden, Ethan, Jackson, Lydia, Simon, Dan, Lyn, Brian, Stacey, Helena, Everett, Alyssa, Craig, Kamiah, Emily, Michael, Eleanor, Isaiah, Samuel, Abigail, Cory, Avery, Joseph, Henry and baby in July.